I've thought a lot about God's time frame versus my time frame....and I've come to the conclusion that I am so SO impatient and selfish. I realize that I struggle, not so much with having some faith, but with 'letting go' of my insecurities and handing my life over to our Heavenly Father. I am a chunk of clay that, if I am willing, can be sculpted into something much more heavenly by the Eternal Artist. But sometimes I feel like I should see the end of my journey in sight...to know what I'm going to accomplish and become...but the Eternal Artist works slowly and surely, gracefully and carefully to make each and every one of His masterpieces. And I am one of His masterpieces! And so is each of you :)
As I've said before, I am lazy and impatient...'how little energy can I put into a project to yield the quickest and best results?' is a question that runs through my mind every day, if not more. This statement, however, should not be applied to an eternal life. It should not represent the relationship I hold with my Heavenly Father and what I wish (or rather will myself) to become.
And, the real problem I hold is that I WANT To Be In Charge...and I cannot be. I could not make myself get pregnant any faster, I could not control where a fertilized egg sat in my womb (or not in my womb), and I cannot make my body react or recover any faster than what is already happening naturally. Even though I can say these things out loud (or type this to you), it doesn't change the fact that I still really really really wish to take control over these situations. I know that my ideas and wants do not truly compare to those of my Father in Heaven, His are on a much higher plane of course, and this is still a struggle that I seem to grasp in theory but not in all actuality.
I am very grateful for the support and love that I've received the past couple of week during this hardship in my life. I know some amazing people through my ward family, neighbors, friends near and far, stalkers (like from this blog) and my family. The Lord blesses me with many beautiful gifts-and I've made a goal to acknowledge these gifts more regularly in life. My troubles will never melt away if I cannot hand my progression over to my Father in Heaven and utilize the Atonement which He has provided for me. I know my Heavenly Father loves me dearly...and all his children for that matter...and wants us to become the very best people possible.
To bring some 'sunshine' into your Faithful Friday, I'll leave you with a few pictures of Widget playing at the park. The white patch on her back (when swinging) is the sun reflecting off of her lower back/bare butt...(hehehe, it makes me giggle every time!)