And while I was thinking about this great phenomenon, I realized that my awareness of time changes frequently (probably depending on my mood, time of the month, current activities). I believe this could be one of the many mysteries of life. I know that our time on Earth is not the same time frame our Father in Heaven lives His life-and He sees a much bigger picture than I. If you ask my husband, I struggle with not being in control/charge of my life, my day, my body, etc. and I obviously cannot control time...so why do I try so hard to do so? Why do I metaphorically beat my head against a brick wall when I could be spending my energy practicing patience (Me? ha! now that's funny) or developing a talent the Lord gave me?
I'm not sure why I feel the need to be in charge of everything...I even remind my daughter of how much she is not in charge, and then my husband laughs at me (that stinker). Maybe it's my OCD tendencies, my clinical depression, or my rebellious self seeking attention--honestly, I don't really know. It's most likely a combination of all three, or many other factors, I'm not really into deep psychology-especially on myself. But I know there can be relief, if I turn my life over to the Lord (much easier said than done).
I pray every night (and most mornings...and occasionally throughout the day) to have patience and long suffering in multiple areas of my life...and let's face it, I have a toddler/preschooler that is smart and quick witted, likes to be in charge, struts every where she goes, and acts like she's 14 years-old---I need all the patience I can get (well, I think so at least), but maybe that's me trying to be in charge AGAIN...
Guts! Guts! Guts! (Anyone else a fan of the Ramona books?)
This is such a self-inflicted vicious cycle. I've realized that I must have faith in Heavenly Fathers plan (mortal life, agency, gospel). He has given me trials (and child(ren) ) unique to me, and he knows my heart and what I am capable of accomplishing. And while I'm typing this I can honestly say that I have a testimony of these things, but boy do I loose sight of these facts when I'm trudging through single parenting (the hubby is away from home 80-90% of the time), toddler toys and tantrums, and recovery of a tired body. This is when I need my testimony the most. This is when I need to hold fast and endure to the end (however long and uncomfortable it might be). This is when I should pray...and that is what I've been working on this week particularly. I still have a long road ahead of me in this department, though, so I will be working on it the rest of my life I'm sure.
I never really liked this song much-I don't really know why, probably because I'm defiant like that- but the lyrics are so applicable to life's
Ere you left your room this morning, did you think to pray?You can listen to the song here.
In the name of Christ, our Savior, did you sue for loving favor as a shield today?
When you heart was filled with anger, did you think to pray?
Did you plead for grace, my brother, that you might forgive another who had crossed your way?
When sore trials came upon you, did you think to pray?
When your soul was full of sorrow, Balm of Gilead did you borrow at the gates of day?
Oh, how praying rests the weary! Prayer will change the night to day.
So, when life gets dark and dreary, don't forget to pray.
I hope your day is full of love and patience, but if life gets dark and dreary, don't forget to pray. Enjoy your weekend!
P.S. And while I'm sharing links, this is a great place to learn more about the Temple I talked about in this post.